When I posted my last blog, Fed up with Fear, I had no idea how prescient it would be. Through no effort of my own, fear has finally run its course for me. Who knew this was a possibility. In a life review kind-of-moment I realized that I had been focussing on fear all my life. My own panic attacks beginning at age 7 eventually led me to make a career out of fear. My life had been a pendulum swing from succumbing to fear to overcompensating for it. All the while fear remained intact. Corona seems to have put me over the edge, fear has its limits and I am over it. Fear was a constant in my life, like air, ever present yet imperceptible. Always in the backdrop, it was a filter for all I saw and experienced - a dirty lens on glasses I didn’t even know I was wearing. This lens interpreted my life, dictated my choices and wrote my narrative. I have had many successes undoing situational fear on planes etc... but I did not know there was another layer or how ubiquitous it was until it was gone. It reminds me of morning sickness, I did not know how bad I felt until I felt better. With Corona virus on the loose, fear is getting way too much airplay and I sense that it is not just me reaching the saturation point. In our outcry for a cure for COVID aren’t we really asking for something to relieve our fear? Yes, a vaccine will certainly help with the physical aspects of illness, but the real healing for us will come from the inside out. In the absence of fear, love is all there is. While I understood this on an intellectual level, I wasn’t able to reconcile it with and as a reality until now. It is a new day for me, and I accept all eye rolls when I say LOVE is the answer. I used to do that too. People who said such things were out of touch with reality. The opposite is true. We who are in fear have lost touch with reality and with our selves.
With my former reference point removed I feel like I am in limbo but this I know. Love is so much more than we understand, so much more than we allow it to be. It is an all encompassing energy, much like fear had been for me. It has beautiful layers we have not accessed and love is the norm, not fear. Those layers express love for everyone not just a few chosen people in our lives as all are equal. This higher love is unconditional, having no set of hoops anyone needs to jump through to be worthy of its presence. Everything is either an expression of love or a call to love. COVID is a call to love not fear and we can answer that call. Does that mean we have love shitty things like a pandemic??? No, we don’t have to love shitty things to operate in and from an energy of love. From today forward I am shifting up my focus from fear to love. What is this going to look like? Who knows. Everything is new to me right now. And this is so true for many of us. We have the choice how we want to emerge from this collective experience. For me, I am creating a Love List of things that I am inspired to do, and since my former filter of caring what others think went poof, I may just follow through :-) Fearless love and hugs to all,
xoxo Jill
PS: My website will be going through a transition as well so stay tuned....