Because they always heal.....
"There is no order of difficulty in miracles. One is not "harder" or "bigger" than another. They are all the same... Miracles represent freedom from fear."
~ A Course In Miracles.
The same is true for problems. One problem is not harder or bigger than other. To remind myself of this I liken all problems to paper cuts.
We are not at our best when we are overwhelmed. Indeed I would argue when we are overwhelmed we are not even there. We have completely checked out and given ourselves over to fear, panic, and confusion.
In these moments we react out of a need to do something even if we have no idea what is best. In my work I listen to clients tell me the stories of their lives imploding from all angles - health, marriage, work, finances, family. I am so overwhelmed just hearing it that I would sit there thinking how on earth am I going to help this person?
To deal with overwhelm we often choose one aspect and decide that if I could just get this piece under control, everything else would be fine. If I could just lose weight I wouldn’t be so lonely. If I just had more money, I would not be so stressed. If my kids would just behave, my marriage would be fine. We all know that these pseudo-solutions may last for a little while, but the problems usually resume.
Trying to change our outer circumstances is a trivial pursuit. Overwhelm is a state of mind not a set of circumstances. Our outer world is a reflection of the state of our mind. Chaos within manifests as chaos without. Period. So there is no point picking off pieces, the mind is whole. It is either wholly at peace or wholly not.
So how do we deal with overwhelm and chaos if we can’t break it down into manageable bites? We change our thinking about what is going on in our lives.
Parents who pursue coaching are in a deep state of fear about their child. Whether it be depression, anxiety or an eating disorder, parents are overwhelmed not only by what is currently happening with their child but by what has happened in the past and what they fear will happen in the future. Parents often become consumed by thoughts of guilt, regret, anger, and blame. Did I wait too long? Was there something I did to cause this? This is from my husband’s side of the family. They worry that their children won’t succeed, won’t have friends, wont be happy. And, of course, they fear that they too will be unhappy.
While I refer to anxiety, depression and eating disorders because these are common terms, I do not diagnose. A symptom is a symptom is a symptom. Symptoms no matter what form they take represent a problem, they are not the problem. The problem is always on the level of the mind, never the level of the body or even the brain. The body itself is a symptom of a fearful mind.
To deal with overwhelm we must diffuse the chaos of the mind. This can only be done by undoing beliefs that support fear, pain and suffering and stand in the way of our peace. To start the process of undoing, I coach parents and kids through an exercise of seeing problems as paper cuts. Paper cuts heal, we do not fear them. They do not engender panic or conjure doom. Sure, they sting at first but that fades. We don’t obsess over them and as a result we can think clearly and be calm. This mindset is a healing mindset and it is extremely rare.
When I ask parents whose children suffer with various medical and psychological symptoms, if they believe their child can be healed, very few give me an unequivocal yes. The problem is, if you don’t believe in healing, you will not experience healing. Symptoms may morph into other symptoms, but they will not be healed.
I struggle with the medical and psychological models because of the emphasis on prognoses like remission, chronic, and coping. All of these terms speak to the absence of healing. The goal is to provide relief, possibly. But healing? No. According to this model of care, we will have whatever problem we were diagnosed with until we die.
Seeing problems as paper cuts allows us to slow down the automatic, reactive mind and invite in a healing mentality. The most vital part of healing is not the triage we offer but the mindset we bring to the problem. If we are overwhelmed by what we see, we are letting fear highjack our healing. We are cut off from our source, our clarity, our peace, our right mind and from infinite possibility. From this place we see only very limited solutions, none of which feels right, but we have nothing better. We default, we resign, but we do not powerfully choose.
Ego will resist this healing mindset. All of ego’s efforts are to exacerbate and actually defend against healing. Ego will tell you that perceiving everything as a paper cut is flip and minimizes people’s pain and suffering, while not taking their plight seriously.
That is the furtherest thing from truth. Being serious does not aid the healing process it halts it. If we believe we are our bodies, and that body becomes ill, we are in the untenable position of literally being afraid of ourselves. This is the ultimate form of paranoia but nearly everyone who is sick suffers from it. When can’t trust ourselves, and we have descended into the depths of fear, which I’ll call hell. This is true for both medical and mental illness.
Few of us know that we are not our bodies and fewer understand that healing is a release from fear. By 'minimizing' fear in the mind, the body heals. Anything you have ever healed from, was healed in this way.
Many people don’t want visitors when they are ill because sympathy and empathy make people feel weak. Fear is contagious. It’s like kryptonite and it can be lethal. The antidote? Perceive every obstacle and ailment as a paper cut and start saving the world peace by peace.
For Fear: See Problems as Paper Cuts
When you look on a problem, yours or someone else’s, tell yourself this is a paper cut.
Bring your problems to mind one by one.
Feel the weight of them, the doubt, confusion, indecision, gravity, hopelessness.
Now shift to seeing them one at a time as a paper cut.
Feel the change in your body as you do this.
Do you feel relief? Clarity? Possibility? Lighter? Calmer?
Do you feel more hopeful?
Do you feel possibility start to open?
The more you practice this, the more it will serve you. Illness and suffering will not take hold of your mind and you will be connected to your inner guidance.
Peace and paper cuts!!! Feel free to share your story. All is confidential.
xoxo Jill
*Typos happen but only ego judges :-)