Insecurity is Essential Our weaknesses are our greatest strengths. When we figure this out we harness the unlimited power of who we truly are.
Insecurity is not something to eradicate but to appreciate.The other day my daughter was having a virtual panic attack as she felt insecurity resurfacing. It had dogged her not that long ago and she felt that she had worked through it but now she was devastated to have it reappear.
Her frustration comes from a common misunderstanding of the power and purpose of insecurity. I told my daughter that we never want to get over our insecurity. That is not the goal. We need it when we take on a new job, try a new sport, learn a new skill. We need it whenever we try new things and take new risks. It is there to get our attention, keep us focussed and help us along.
Misunderstanding the invaluable gifts of insecurity can be the cause of much suffering. Insecurity has become so feared that we have adopted a lifestyle of creating personas specifically to hide and overcompensate for this most desperate flaw. Most people I know, teens and adults alike, would be okay with being called just about anything but insecure. But here is a news flash - you need your insecurity, not some of us, but all of us. It is one of your greatest strengths if you understand its purpose and how to use it.
In truth, insecurity is nothing more than a discomfort in the unknown. We all experience it particularly in times of transition. Kids in high school can feel it intensely because their world is coming at them fast and furiously with new experiences on every horizon - peers, relationships, teachers, parents, physical changes, college demands. And so, like most things for teens, their experience of insecurity is like life on steroids.
To switch up old misconceptions, I invite you to view insecurity as a compass and it is always signaling that we have reached a crossroads in our personal growth and development. Insecurity is calling attention to the fact that you are about to make a very important choice in your life - are you going to think for yourself or follow the herd. Not surprisingly, following the herd will catapult your insecurity into overdrive while thinking for yourself (as scary as that may seem) will liberate your power beyond your wildest imagination.
So when insecurity blesses you with its presence, resist the urge to panic and take note. Ironically, this will be one of the few times during your daily experience that you are shaken into self-reflection. Recall that insecurity’s sole purpose is to remind you to think for yourself, outside the box. Every new situation, every risk you take, whether you are conscious of it or not, will spike your insecurity. Instead of trying to push it away and overcompensate for it, wake up and capitalize on it. Take advantage of these moments where you are naturally hyper-vigilant and in a state of heightened awareness, because you are actually at your best, not the other way around. You are awake, your eyes are open, you notice very clearly what is going on around you and you have the amazing opportunity to align with your own beliefs, trust yourself above all else and experience the freedom that that brings.
The more you deny or try to avoid your insecurity by preferring to fit in rather than stand out the more insecure you will become - and the more opportunities will come your way for you to learn the same lesson of self trust. This is where most people get stuck and why insecurity has such a bad wrap. Honoring your insecurity and using it as an opportunity to activate your own uniqueness and power will release you. When you rise to the challenge that insecurity is guiding you to and through, you will thrive. You will notice what others are doing, how they are behaving and you will use your gift of discernment to get in touch with your own values and what resonates for you. What others think will no longer matter. Following the herd will never give you that sense of identity and security.
Time and again insecurity leads us to the moment of our truth: Do I trust myself and my values or do I value the opinions of others over my own? Insecurity is the path to personal integrity, to self trust and self confidence. Without it we would not grow into the fabulous human beings we are all destined to become.
For Fear: Capitalize on your Insecurity
This week take notice where you are feeling insecure. These are the areas of your life that have stagnated. Is it your parenting, amongst your friends, in your relationship with your spouse, at work or perhaps at the gym. Use your insecurity not as a means to beat yourself, up but as a means to wake up to who you truly are and what you believe.
For example: If you are feeling insecure in your relationship with your boss. This may be a sign that you are putting your boss’s opinions of you over your own. You may be trying to please your boss at the expense of your happiness, you may be playing small or feeling inadequate. This treatment of yourself is undermining to your personal integrity.
Make a list of what you truly believe about this (these) area(s) of your life.
If you acted in accordance with your personal beliefs what would be different? How would you be behaving? How would you be feeling?
Ask yourself if you are willing to make a commitment to act in alignment with your beliefs.
If you are, create a plan that will support you in honoring your commitment to yourself.
Notice how your feelings of freedom compound over time
If you need support embracing your insecurity and honoring your integrity, you can always reach out. As for the parenting aspect, modeling the gift of insecurity is one of the most powerful gifts we can offer our children. This is truly liberating.
Much love, peace and insecurity to my fabulous partners in peace.
xoxo Jill
*Please excuse my typos.